put your brave face on ;; !teddy

[Lily Potter]

ooc;
Did not specify. But. Is morning.

bic;
Time passed quickly. The hours passed seemed a blur, and she could not find a handle to slow down time, though her hands gripped the water tab harder than she ever had before.
It seemed like she had only left the party minutes ago and had just gotten into the shower, though the water had been running for a good two and a half hours now. The scalding hot water now ran cold, and beat across her bruised and aching body. The water felt like ice shards that ripped apart her skin and entered to her very soul, though there was no physical signs to show that.
Numb. That was all she wanted. To feel absolutely nothing.

She felt the ache in her head give a painful throb when she shifted to lean against the shower wall, face upturned to the onslaught of cold, cold water, though she welcomed the pain that came with the droplets. With pain would come detachment, surely? And with detachment would come the sweet, sweet numbness she craved to take away all of the aching and revulsion with herself. Maybe if she seeped into the darkness of her mind, she would forget this waking nightmare.

How had this happened? Her poor muddled mind tried to think back onto the events of that evening, though a shudder went through her soaked frame at the mere thought of what happened. No, no, no. She reached for the tab to turn the cold water tab on now, too, to add to the steady stream of water beating down on her. A gush of colder water hit her in addition to what had been scalding water, and although it raised goose bumps on her skin, she did not care. She just wanted to wash away everything. The filth, the pain, the memory..Everything. She just wanted it all to fade away, and not even be committed to memory. She wanted to forget, wanted the events of that night to wash away with the water down the drain, though she knew they never would.


"Are you sure that crashing this party is a good idea?" One of Lily's friends asked as Lily searched through her closet, looking for a dress. Lily wasn't exactly the 'girly' type and didn't have many dresses, and her friend had agreed to let her borrow one. The redhead made a face at some of them, as none of them were really her taste (then again, dresses in general weren't her taste). She rolled her eyes as Sarina prattled on, and sighed to herself.
"Rina, it's a masked ball. Nothing's going to happen. Everyone's going to be wearing masks. Hence 'masked ball.' Seriously, you need to pay more attention to things."
"But don't you think it's at least a little risky?"
"Life is all about making risks!" Lily pulled out a yellow dress, and pressed it against herself. "This works." An excited grin painted itself onto her lips as she looked at herself in the mirror. Slytherin parties were supposed to be the best, after all.

Her skin was bruised along the wrists, the purple marks so very, very dark against pale skin skin. She knew there were darker marks along her neck and collarbone, where teeth had mercilessly pulled at her skin despite her fighting. Bruises would mar her hips to from hands rougher than those teeth, though she didn’t want to look.
Looking would remind her. She didn’t want to be reminded.

The dress she wore was ruined, though she couldn’t find it in her to care. What once had been beautiful yellow silk was now dark and stained from the water coming from the shower and blood from what had happened earlier – ruined forever. Just like she was. Perhaps she would keep it, as a symbol of how things could change. A symbol of how things could change so quickly and be ruined in the blink of an eye.
No. She shuddered at the mere thought of keeping this article of clothing. It was filthy and disgusting, and no amount of cleaning would fix that fact.

Black streamed down her face in heavy streaks; eyeliner she had not taken off. The elaborate combs that had been in her hair were lining the shower floor, as they had been pulled out when she started scrubbing her scalp in an attempt to wash away the filth, and an attempt to wash away the memory. She had tried so hard her fingertips were bleeding lightly, staining the bottom of the tub with other blood that had flowed down with the water. Blood that had marked her skin and had been frantically scrubbed off the second she stepped in the shower.

The pleasant buzzing in her head from some of the alcohol had been replaced by an uncomfortable buzzing. Buzzing that gnawed at her mind and caused her more pain than she could bear. How could you have been so stupid? The buzzing asked. Just a defenseless, stupid little girl that bit off more than she could chew.


Drinking is always a fun past time. While it was not something she indulged in often, once in a while it made things more interesting. The bass in the music seemed to make her unsteady in the heels she wore, and she laughed as she accepted a dance from boys she could not remember the names of for the life of her.

As time passed, she realized that Sarina had gone missing and Lily went off to look for her. She found herself in a spare bedroom, hopelessly lost in the Malfoy manor, and frowned to herself. She sighed plopped down on the bed for a moment.
And that was when the door slammed shut.

A frown painted her face as she stood up clumsily, moving to yank the door open. But it was locked, and she pouted a little. “Sarina? Rina, c’mon, I know it’s you!” She giggled , falling against the door for support. “You’re just trying to scare me!. So open up!” There was no answer. “Rin, c’mon, this isn’t funny.”
And then the lights went out abruptly and a warm arm wrapped around her waist and tugged her back against a firm chest, a hand cupping her mouth a moment later to muffle her scream.

How had she been so happy and bubbly just a few hours ago? Now she was sobbing in agony as the water cold enough to be freezing beat upon her and made her skin and sting and hurt so good. All drunken thoughts had left her, and now she was sober and distraught. Never had she been in so much pain. Never had she imagined something like this would happen.

More heartbroken sobs left her as tears of rage at herself bubbled over, and her arms hugged her torso tight. She was falling apart at the seams, and she could not hold on to herself tight enough to keep the pieces together. How could she have been so fucking stupid? She knew that alcohol wasn’t good, and she knew the risks, but she’d given in and drank it anyway. She was stupid, so naive. So fucking stupid and God did she hate herself.

She had never felt so disgusting, so vile. She wished the water would rip away her skin so she could form a new one. She wished that she would bleed and bleed and scream until this pain went away, though she knew it wouldn’t. It felt like someone had shoved an ax through her heart and left it there, and she could not make it dislodge.

She stumbled and fell as she was still unsteady and in her heels, allowing herself to slide to sit and she curled up tight, sliding more to lie down on her side. Maybe if she stayed there, it would all end. If she could just will herself the strength to reach out and push down the tab that would clog the drain, this agony would end. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t move. She never wanted to move again.

Screaming did nothing, and neither did biting down on this strange person’s hand. Squirming only made his grip tighten though she tried and tried and kicked but his strength would far surpass hers when she were sober, let alone when inebriated as horribly as she was. She tried to kick backwards so her heel would hit him in the leg, though that just caused her to stumble and fall against him. Rough lips and teeth descended down onto her neck and no! She didn’t want this!

Rougher hands shoved her down and her arms were held above her head in one hand while the other touched and grabbed and violated. Tears did not phase him, as they streamed down her cheeks and she screamed and screamed but no one came. She saw his wand on the bed near them, and could only assume he locked the doors with magic and silenced the room.
No one would hear her. No one would come looking there for her. Only one person knew she was there.
She was forced to face this on her own.

She squirmed more though his grip just tightened and she swore she felt the bone crack and crumble under his hold. His one hand was gone after a moment and she breathed in heaving gasps and sobs and wished this man would just go away. Soon, the soft material of his tie was around her wrists, pulled tight and cutting off the circulation. Now both his hands were free to demand and take and take and hurt and no!

Her screams were useless though they left her anyway, as well as soft whimpers and pleas as he took what he wanted. It felt as if she were being torn and two and she simply sagged and gave up. Let him take what he wanted and closed her eyes tight to convince herself this was all just a dream.

When he was through he pulled away and was at the door before he murmured the charm to unbind her. Even if he hadn’t pulled away, she wouldn’t hit him. Wouldn’t try to hurt him. She didn’t have the energy to move. The lights turned on and he offered her a quick glimpse of his face and a smirk before he was gone, the door closed though unlocked.

She lay there for a long while, overcome with disgust. Sobs, bitter and hurting, left her with tears as she curled up, though after not too long she could hear the party dying down. That was when she ran, ran as fast as she could until she found a fireplace and some Floo Powder.

That face haunted her now. A face that would have been handsome if he had not put this pain into her heart and this complete agony into her mind. She curled up tighter and closed her eyes tight, whimpering to herself as her nails dug into her arm arms and drew blood. She didn’t care about the pain at this point. She welcomed it. Physical pain would bring her distraction from the pain she was feeling in her heart.

Never again would she be the same. Never would she be able to be so carefree and naive. He had taken her innocence, both physically and mentally. Ripped it away in the most painful way possible then left her there to sob and bleed. His face would never leave her, either. It would haunt her until the day she died. Those eyes and that smirk would mock her every time she closed her eyes.

She pushed herself up abruptly, turning the water off and stumbling unsteadily out of the shower, tripping over the lip and falling. She clumsily pulled off the heels leaving them on the floor, not really caring what happened to them before slowly managing to stand up. The mirror on the door showed that she was surely a sight to see. She was soaked and shivering, goosebumps quite visible almost every where. The bruises were so dark and marks on her neck were still bleeding, and the dress was ruined and blood soaked. Red hair (not natural, though it was her natural color) was straggly and dripping on her shoulders, and hazel eyes looked dead.

She tore her gaze away after a moment and stumbled into her room and ripped through her trunk, looking for the map she had stolen from James a few weeks earlier. "I s-s-solemnly swear th-that I-I a-a-am u-up to n-no g-go-go-good," she managed to stumble out, tear-filled eyes searching for one name and one name only.

How she managed to find him she could not remember, but she did. "Te-teddy," she exclaimed the moment she saw him, nearly launching herself at him as tears fell and fell and refused to stop. She hadn't even noticed her cousin, who turned to the male who had just been practically attacked by her sobbing little cousin with a look of confusion and concern.

"Lily, what's wrong?" Victorie said after a moment, the concern quite audible in her voice. Lily simply shook her head and mumbled something that sounded like, 'Vicky, go away.'
Frowning, she shook her head. "Lily, no, what's wr--"
"Vicky, just go!" Victorie wouldn't know what to do. Victorie couldn't fix this. But Teddy might be able to.

[Teddy Lupin]

((I borrowed Vicky and had to power-play Lily a bit, hope you don't mind bb!))


Teddy had never liked the library. It was an old and worn down place that didn’t have any sunlight in it. The only lighting provided was by lamps, stationary or floating between the shelves to illuminate the torn spines of old spell-books that no one had touched in over a decade. Most of the books had either been abused or neglected and though it was home away from home for some students, to Teddy it was the antithesis of cozy or homey. The past seven years he had spent at Hogwarts had been, from the very beginning, had been spent trying his hardest to avoid this very place.

It was cruelly ironic that this was now were he spent a good majority of his time.

He would be the first to admit that he stayed in the library more than necessary. Most seventh years were dragging themselves into the perpetually dusty room, which would remain so no matter how many house-elves cleaned it. Their end of the year exams hovered on their horizon and they had all but four months to prepare for it now that it was January. Teddy, who had never excelled in most of his studies but only did fairly average, was now suffering from pre-exam cramming sessions with the other seventh years.

But it was also due to other reasons outside studying and preparation. Teddy didn’t like to admit it, especially not to himself, but it was mostly because Victoire Weasley haunted the place like a ghost. Which wasn’t such a far-off comparison; she resembled an apparition at times, with her pale skin and gold-silver hair. It was only when she touched him, shaking his arm to jolt him awake or feeling his forehead when he felt ill before she remembered why he was sick, that he remembered she was really real. That she wasn’t just some figment of his imagination.

The first week after he got back from the hospital he had held up in the library with her. He didn’t want well-wishers or pity-parties or mock-apologies, he just wanted somewhere where he could be as close to alone as he could get. And at Hogwarts, as large as it was, being alone was a very difficult feat.

Being with Victoire was just as good as being alone. She was quiet and got lost easily in the words of the book she was reading, leaving him to his own thoughts. He didn’t even mind when she fussed at him because it was, deep down (way deep down) what he needed. He needed someone who cared but wouldn’t overwhelm him, and Vicky did just that in her soft, quiet way. And this was one of those cozy mornings with her; even with the moon in between wanes and waxes, he didn’t feel well.

But studying? For N.E.W.T.s? That still sucked. A lot. No amount of Vicky, smuggled pumpkin cookies from the kitchens, or lack of Slytherins could change that.

Even Vicky’s perpetual happiness couldn’t make up for the difficulty of some of his subjects. Teddy was only half-listening while she talked, catching snippets of directions for a spell, the correct pronunciations and the very precise flick of your thumb you had to do after saying the spell.

Teddy sighed and blinked blearily. “You know I’m never going to get this,” he mumbled, his elbow propped up on their table, cheek in palm. He watched Vicky’s pen fly across her parchment, entranced lazily by the movement. “You can’t work miracles, Vicks.”

“I got you in here,” she said, sounding satisfied. “That’s a miracle in itself.”

Teddy grumbled his congratulations and let his face hit the tabletop, wondering how many times he had to bang it against the surface to become unconscious. Surely not that many? He’d give it a try, but he suspected that Vicky had put him on suicide watch and decided to let it go.

“I just-“ he started, not even sure what he was going to say, when something small, wet, and red launched itself at him.

Teddy’s eyes, the same, steady brown since the attack, flew upon with shock. Hogwarts was unpredictable, but he had never been assaulted by a crying girl before. Well, there was that time in fifth year, but he was drunk so it didn’t count.

At first he really wasn’t quite sure what to do. Or what the hell was going on. It was only when he saw the scrap of parchment, dots and letters moving across the surface, that he snapped into the reality of the situation. His mouth suddenly dry, he snatched the piece of paper and tossed it onto the table, shooting Vicky a panicked look.

“Lily?” he asked, his voice a rough squeak, if such a sound were possible. “Lily.. ah, shit,” he muttered, seeing the blood on her dress. “You. Um.” He looked at Vicky again, obviously in desperate need of help, but then Lily just cried harder and tugged at his shirt. Teddy wasn’t good at this sort of thing, not even close, but Lily was like his little sister. He brushed aside his confusion and focused on getting her somewhere private, preferably so he could find out what the fuck was going on.

Lifting her gently, Teddy took her by her arms, brushing the damp strands of fiery hair from her face. “Vicky, just go,” he said, waving off his friend. “She’s. I’ll take care of it.” How, he did not know, but he was going to have to try. It was Lily for Christ’s sake; what was he supposed to do, tell her to go away? Shove her off? The thought made him feel ill, if the blood all over her dress wasn’t making him nauseous.

With quick steps, he ushered Lily across the hall, thankful that only a few Hufflepuff fourth years were there, and far too engrossed in their purchases from Hogsmeade to pay attention to him. There was a small, abandoned classroom that he had used many times to meet with friends or girls just a few paces down from the hallway, and thankfully it was empty. Shutting the door behind them and locking it, he turned to Lily.

It was here that all his inexperience with hurt, crying girls came in. “You should, uh, sit down?” he said, feeling awkward and worried and sick and very, very unsure of himself.

[Lily Potter]

Lily didn't know what to do. There was so much going on inside her, and she didn't know how to handle it. She had never really been an emotional person -- she saw everything in black and white, and as a result, nothing ever really got to her. However, being raped sure would get to any poor girl, especially if she hadn't been experienced prior. Most girls would react in a way similar to how Lily was, but Lily simply..didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to fix things, how to make things go back to where they were. Which was why she went to Teddy.

She was almost in a daze as he ushered her down the hall and in the classroom, and directly after he spoke, she simply shook her head and threw her arms around his neck, having to go on tiptoe to really do so. She just wanted to feel safe and secure, and damnit, if hugging him would help, she was fucking doing it. A few shivers racked down her spine, as it was winter and she was still soaked, though she only had become aware of how cold she was after she hugged him.

While she just wanted to be comforted, there were other reasons behind the hug. She knew that she was a mess. Blood stained her dress, bruises and marks were everywhere, and she was pretty sure that her wrist (pretty swollen by this point) was broken. She wondered if she looked or felt worse, though decided that it was an even tie.

"I'm s-s-sorry," she managed in-between sobs, taking in a few deep breaths, more shivers running through her. "I di-didn't me-mean to just p-pop up out of no where." That should be a definite sign that something was very, very wrong. Lily very rarely apologized -- she was too proud to apologize. And now she was apologizing for little things. "I ju-just h-had to fi-find someone, an-and you-you're th-the onl-only per-person I coul-could thin-think of." Lily hated that she was having difficult speaking; she sounded retarded. However, she couldn't help it; she was crying too hard to talk correctly. She wasn't sure if Teddy had ever seen her cry before, or heard her apologize. Well, there was a first time for everything.

"An-and I'm s-sorry for get-getting you we-wet," she managed after a moment, as if just realizing that she was soaked. "I di-didn't thin-think to dry off.." That was the scatter-brained Lily shining through for the first time since she attacked him.

[Teddy Lupin]

If Lily was freaking out, then Teddy had to have been half as frightened as she was. There was Lily; the girl who was like a sister to him. An annoying little brat of a sister, but a sister nonetheless. She was the daughter of his godfather, the man who half-raised him. She was Lily and he wasn’t sure he could imagine a life without her in it. Admittedly, it’d be a lot more peaceful and he wouldn’t have to suffer through his legs falling asleep when she sat on him, but he loved her and to see her crying and shaking was killing him.

It especially didn’t help when she was hugging him, soaking wet and shivering. Teddy felt the urge to push her away (gently, of course; she already looked like she was about to fall over) but thought about it. Lily had a lot of friends, and her two brothers and tons of cousins, yet she had come to him. He didn’t know why, but the thought of pushing her away when he realized she had probably come to him for comfort made his stomach turn again. He softly patted her back, warm palm trying to create friction. And for some reason, an instinctive reaction perhaps, he looked down at his hand. It was sticky with blood.

“Lily,” he started, his voice wavering. He pulled her back from his body carefully, getting a good look at her. He winced when he caught the sight of her arms; bruised and bloody, her wrist twisted and swollen. Bright anger enflamed in his chest. Had someone done this to her? Or had she just done something Lily-esque and gotten hurt this time? He couldn’t tell. “Lily, what happened?” he asked, his voice rough with uncertainty and worry. He went to run his fingers through his hair but lowered it, remembering the blood. God, she was a mess, and he was now, too. He could see, though, that her pain went beyond the bruises and marks marring her small body. There was something about her that was fractured, broken. Lily never cried. Lily never apologized. In fact, the only time he had seen her upset was when Alex almost drowned her in a sandbox when they were little kids.

With difficulty, Teddy tried to soften his voice. “Hey, it’s okay,” he murmured, reaching for his wand. “Don’t be sorry. It’s alright. Just calm down a little, okay?” Not sure he could keep seeing her blood on his hands without being sick much longer, he cleaned them first, and then tried to do the same to her dress, but just turned it purple instead. “Shit,” he muttered. This was not the time for his brain to scatter so easily. He tried again and managed to get it clean enough. He didn’t dare do anything else, though, a little scared he might accidentally hurt her more if he tried to fix his wrist. He wasn’t a healer. Where was Jeremy when he needed him?

“Sit down,” he told her, guiding her down onto a chair. “Take a few deep breathes.” He desperately wanted to know what had happened but sensed right now wasn’t the moment to ask.

[Lily Potter]

Lily closed her eyes tight, trying to keep the tears back as best as she could. She knew that her being hysterical did not help the situation at all, though she couldn't help it. The tears just kept coming and coming and she didn't know what to do to make them stop. She had thought that there would be none left by this point, though apparently, she had been very, very wrong.

She didn't know what to say when he asked what happened, so simply kept quiet and bit her lip hard, trying to keep the sobs back. That was easier than stopping the tears, at least. She felt more and more shivers run through it; she felt impossibly cold. She knew it just wasn't just because of the chill -- she felt cold on the inside, too. And she knew that that feeling would not be going away any time soon.

"S-sarina and m-me cr-crashed a party," she managed after a few moments, trying to steady her breathing. "A l-lot of pe-people were, an-and we fi-figured we ma-may as well. And..and.." she closed her eyes tight, and his face appeared again in her mind. A soft whimper left her as more tears and sobs built up and she fought to keep them back, and she felt so fucking pathetic when she couldn't even do that much.

"N-no," she said, shaking her head. "It's n-not okay." She wasn't going to be okay for a long, long while. She almost apologized again, though kept her mouth shut, deciding that she may as well try to keep whatever was left of her pride in tact. At this point, there was hardly any left, and that made her feel so much worse. She was the strong one. She was the one that never cried, never got hurt. And now she was vulnerable and hurt and scared and God she felt pathetic.

She blinked when she saw the blood on his hand. "Is that mine?" She asked, brow furrowed. She didn't know that she had been bleeding that much. "I'm sorry," she said again, and then she cursed under her breath. Apologizing for bleeding was just really fucking pathetic.

She slid into the chair he guided her to, automatically crossing her arms over her stomach. The ache there was worse than she had anticipated -- a few of her friends had said that their first times had hurt, though she hadn't imagined the pain to be this bad. Then again, their friends didn't go through the whole ordeal she went through.

She hugged herself tighter, and although she wanted to keep her mouth shut and wanted to forget everything had happened, she couldn't. "God, it hurts so much," she finally sobbed, breaking more and more. It wasn't just the physical pain -- hell no. The emotional pain was so much worse.

[Teddy Lupin]

Teddy’s face twisted into a grimace as she kept crying. God, he really sucked at comforting people. He didn’t know if it was the extra Y chromosome or what; he just knew he failed completely. He wished desperately Vicky or any other girl were there to help. What was he supposed to say? To do? Lily was hurt and he was clueless. Trying to pull it together, he took a deep breath. She was going to need him to be calm, because she sure as hell wasn’t.

Aw, fucking hell. He narrowed his eyes. This sounded like the classic beginning to any Lily story. ‘Me and Sarina crashed a party.’ He wanted to bang his head against something solid for the second time that day. He loved Lily, but God, she could be stupid. A lot of things could happen to a girl like Lily at a party, especially one she wasn’t supposed to go to. “Let me guess,” he growled. “It was a Slytherin party, right?” Damn Slytherins. They would stoop to something like this.

He could tell how scared she was. He had felt the same way just months ago and knew there was not one comforting word to be said. “It’s over now,” he murmured, hoping that, if anything, would make her feel a little better. “You’re with me now. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you.” He’d go down fighting for her, for anyone he cared about. Was that why she had come to him? Had someone threatened her? Scenarios of how she had come about to be so hurt raced through his mind, but he couldn’t pinpoint any one, and she wasn’t speaking about it yet. It couldn’t be a good idea to prompt her, so he just pushed her hair back from her forehead, hoping he was making her feel a little better, if anything.

“Uh.” He rubbed his palms on his jeans even thought they were now spotless. “No.” He cracked a weak smile. “I always bleed at random intervals, didn’t you know?” He sighed a little, his smile fading. “Don’t be sorry. It’s fine. I’ll take you to the hospital wing once you feel better,” he said firmly, betting she would protest if just to protest. Lily was too damn stubborn for her own good. He was going to get her there soon enough even if she begged him not to. She needed to be looked after someone who knew what they were doing.

“What hurts?” he asked softly, kneeling down slowly in front of her. He rolled up his sleeves to mid-arm, not sure where to start looking. “Your wrist is broken,” he pointed out unhelpfully. His own wrist had been broken five years ago on the quidditch pitch so he was familiar with the sight. “Anything else, you think?”

[Lily Potter]

Lily nodded once, eyes flickering down to her lap. "I kn-know it was stu-stupid, but we d-do it all the ti-time. ..Hell, ev-everyone does it all the time." Crashing Slytherin parties was something done quite often by Gryffindors, and by some people in other houses. "N-no one ever re-really no-notices." And had someone noticed this time? She couldn't be sure. Had he done it because he knew who she was? She never would know.

She took a deep breath, trying to continue with her story. Everything up until the point of when he'd grabbed her was so blurry, and she frowned as she tried to remember. "R-rina went missing," she remembered, and she instinctively held herself tighter at the memory of what came next. "I w-went l-looking f-for her, and wou-wound up in o-one of the r-rooms." The sobs were coming back, and she was fighting them with all that they had. "S-someone else was in the room and --Oh, God." Her voice cracked, and she wasn't sure if she could go on anymore; she was crying almost hysterically again.

"B-but something already happened," she sobbed, wanting nothing more than just to curl up in a ball and cry until she couldn't anymore. "S-something th-that no-one can t-take ba-back or fix. It d-doesn't ma-matter th-that it's f-fucking over, it st-still ha-happened." She wanted to flinch away from his touch on instinct when he went to brush away her hair, though she ignored that feeling. Teddy would never hurt her.

She shook her head, eyes wide when he said he was taking her to the hospital wing. "N-no!" She said, feeling her heart pound. No. The nurse would tell her father, and this would never, ever go away if Harry fucking Potter found out about this. "No, Teddy, you c-can't take me there! Please, please don't!"

She shook her head. "N-nothing y-you or any-anyone else can fix," she said simply. She shrugged when he said that her wrist was broken. She'd figured as much. She just hoped that he would be able to tell that the bruises on her arms were handprints, hoped that he could figure out that the marks on her neck were from teeth. She wouldn't be able to tell him what happened, so maybe he could use the physical clues to figure it out. [/size